Young Mommy & Wife

A letter to my daughter:

Dear Venily, my sweet, darling, baby girl,

You are a year old now and I can't believe how fast this year has gone.

I was elated when I found out I was pregnant with you. It's hard to explain, but I needed you. I felt so empty. I wanted a baby girl more than anything in the world and I finally had you. Your Daddy was everything to me, but I still felt like there was something more I was missing out on. Your pregnancy had its ups and downs but I was always so happy. There was life inside of me and I would protect it with my own. But I was scared.... scared something would go wrong, scared to hold the one thing I wanted more than anything and have it taken away from me. My whole world was inside of me and it seemed so fragile.

You were born on a Saturday afternoon, just as I asked you to be! I wasn't even sure I was in labor with you but your Dad raced us to the hospital and I asked the people at the front desk what I should do. "Umm... I think I might be in labor. What should I do?" haha. I had to stop every couple of minutes as I was having contractions, but I still couldn't believe it was really happening. Less than 2 hours later you were here! You were SOOOO perfect. It went so fast. It was almost painless. I couldn't even comprehend it at first. Where were the hours of screaming and eating ice chips and yelling at my husband that I hated him? Where was the gooey, smashed up face, bald-headed, screaming baby? As I held the most perfect little girl in all the world I couldn't understand how I could be so lucky. You were perfect. Just perfect. And you were mine. I couldn't sleep at all the first night. I just stared at you and held you all night long.

We've learned so much this last year. Your Dad learned what a onesie was and how to hold you so that you'd fall right to sleep. I learned how to nurse and change a diaper at the same time! That has come in very handy. And YOU learned how to smile, sit, talk, walk, and get every person who lays eyes on you to fall instantly in love with you. I'm so proud of every little thing you do. Your Dad and I used to fight about who got to push you in the stroller when we'd go grocery shopping and who had to push the grocery cart because we each wanted the "credit" for you. HAHA! You are so cute. You have to wave and say "hi" to every person you see. Everyone adores you!

You know when you have those moments where you stop and say that you want to remember it forever, so you try to take a picture of it with your mind? Remember each and every detail and exactly how it made you feel? You memorize the sights, the smells, the sounds, the overwhelming emotion? Well, there were so many times I wanted to freeze moments in your first year!! I never want to forget!! You did the cutest thing with your lips. They were so precious. We called it being "sghettoey" and only your father and I could truly understand and appreciate what that word meant! :) You'd giggle and laugh at the silliest things. There were entire days when we'd just stick out our tongues at each other and laugh. I remember times when you were so sleepy and I'd hold you in my arms, rocking you, singing some silly made up song about how much I loved you and you'd give me the sweetest kiss after every line I sang and you'd have the cutest little smirk on your face as your eyes were getting more and more tired. I have never felt so loved and my heart would physically hurt knowing how much I loved you back. There were trips to the museum, park, lake, zoo, hiking, and everywhere else we'd go. I wanted you to see everything. You loved new experiences and meeting new people.

The smell of lavender hand sanitizer brings me right back to our duplex, holding my newborn baby who slept ALL of the time as long as we were holding her. You were so content to do anything as long as it was with us. Your Daddy and I would literally be shocked each and every morning at how big you'd grown over night. We would never say that you couldn't do something because the next chance you'd get, you'd prove us wrong. People said that it would go fast, to enjoy it while we could, but we never dreamed it would go THIS fast. That in an instant, you'd go from a tiny, helpless baby to our little girl!

You have grown into the most adorable, gorgeous, smart little girl with the sweetest personality ever! Every month you'd grow, I'd remember thinking "this is my favorite month, please stop growing" and of course, you never listened! But, each month I'd say the same thing again and it would continue to get better and better. You have little conversations with me now. You always want to show me things that you think are cool. You get frustrated when you don't get your way. You pretend you are doing something else when we catch you do something naughty. You dance and sing and try to jump. You love to imitate us. You love to share. You say 35-40 words and your Daddy and I are convinced you're a genius! :) You love your family so much.

You are playing right now on the floor around me and you keep coming up to me to give me a kiss and you keep bringing me books to read you. I just read "Mr. Brown Can Moo Can You" for the 5th time today. You love it.

Thank you for letting me be your Mommy for this last year, it has been the best year of my life. I have taken my job very seriously and have always tried to do my best. I wanted you to have the best possible start and I think I've done a pretty good job! I want you to know that you are loved sooo much. I look forward to watching you grow and change more in this next year. I love you Venily! Happy Birthday love!!!!! XOXOXO